There is a general pre-conceived notion by many
wives across the world that mothers-in-law are mean,
wicked and wish them dead. Therefore the mother-in-
law is a person that many wives wish they never had
anything to do with. Many spinsters dread the
thought of having a mother-in-law when they marry
and very few wives have ever had anything good to
say about their mothers-in-law.
The causes of the breakdown in many marriages
have been traced to the overbearing attitude of
mothers-in-law and it is fast becoming a well known
fact that the mother-in-law is the bane of many ailing
marriages. It is in this regard that mothers-in-law are
often seen and regarded by many as troublesome,
poke nosing persons, antagonistic and the greatest
enemy and rival of her daughter –in-law.
Any woman who may have chosen to join with her
partner in holy matrimony has to face the challenge
of being joined in a holy alliance with the rest of his
family. By the sheer nature of the relationship, she is
expected to melt into a household of folks that are
often unfamiliar and at times very different from her
family of origin.
A daughter-in-law can do a lot to enhance the
relationship with their mother-in-law. Here are some
ways in which this can be done:
1. Never See Your Mother-In-Law As Your
Rival: Actions start from thoughts and you
nursing such dangerous ideas will only lead you
astray. See her as who she is: your mother-in-
law and the mother of your husband, and
hopefully, your newest female friend. She is
NOT your rival. Some ladies enter marriage with
a nuclear arsenal and the mindset of
‘demolishing’ their ‘enemy’. Don’t create
problems for yourself.
2. Treat her son well: The most important
thing you can do to impress your mother-in-law
is to treat her son well. Every mother wants her
son to have a lovely, faithful, devoted wife (just
like her), so if you’re all of those things, she’ll
be sure to adore you!
Most mother-in-laws are just afraid of losing
their sweet little son, and want the best for
them; it does not matter how far you have come
in building up a relationship with your mother-
in-law, you will ruin it in an instant if you
mistreat your husband in any way. That means
refraining from sharing the intimate details of
arguments, as well as avoiding more serious
issues such as cheating and lying. A mother will
automatically defend her son over the wife,
even if he is partly to blame.
3. Don’t share your matrimonial problems
with your parent: One of the biggest
mistakes that couples can make is sharing their
relationship issues with their family members.
While you may not realize the harm caused by
sharing all your spouse’s shortcomings with you
parents, you should know that when you and
your spouse make up, your family will still
remember the hurt your spouse has caused you
and may hold a grudge.
4. Be Open and develop a loving
relationship with her: Treat your mother-in-
law the way you’d want your husband to treat
your mother. Be respectful, tactful, and honest
towards your mother-in-law. Whether you like
her or not, she is the mother of your spouse.
Treat her with respect and honesty, and she will
most likely reciprocate. In tension-filled
moments or anger-rousing scenarios, learn to
hold your tongue. Avoid angry outbursts.
Conflicts between you and your mother-in-law
can be better addressed with a cool head and a
mind not beclouded by spite.
5. Never Make the Mistake: Of what? Of
pointing out a mistake, flaw or error of your
mother-in-law in front of your hubby. You are
his wife and as a lady, there are much more
subtle and canny ways to draw his attention. Do
not criticize your mother-in-law. Ridicule her,
you ridicule your lover, and of course, the
granny of your kids.
6. Arrange for 1-1 time with your husband:
a wife must realize she's not the only woman in
her husband's life – he also has a mother. One
of the greatest fears that many mothers-in-law
have is that their married sons will not have as
much time to spend with them as they used to.
Wives can help to allay these fears by actually
arranging for their husband to spend time alone
with their mother. They (wives) can then use
that time to themselves to spend in any way
they choose. The end result is usually gratitude
and appreciation from the mother-in-law. She
will often relax and see the wife more as a
daughter and ally, rather than as the “other
woman”.
7. Discuss With Him: In a case where your
duties as a wife are being encroached by an
overbearing mother-in-law who will dictate
what he eats or what he wears, register your
displeasure with him (but relate well with her).
A loving husband will come back to his senses,
and a sensible hubby will not even allow such a
scenario in the first place.
8. Do Not Let Your Ego Get In The Way: Do
not think twice before apologizing and making
amends if you have offended her. But do not
degrade yourself for something you’ve never
done. Do not allow anyone to blackmail you into
submission or surrender. Funnily enough, she
may find it difficult to apologize to you because
of many reasons. Do not take that to heart. It is
the pride of a mother-in-law.
9. Ask for her advice: The stereotypical
mother-in-law will dish out minute advice about
issues as how to raise kids, treat your spouse
and housekeeping properly. She will also watch
as her daughter-in-law cooks and say that the
meat is too tough, rare or just not right. The
vegetables are too soggy and the stew is too
salty. The list goes on.
One thing that a daughter-in-law can do is try to
develop a thick skin and not take these assaults
personally. They are not the same as insults,
but they can easily feel like assaults against
everything she knows she can do. She can also
nod and smile sweetly as she actually asks for
advice.
10. Let Her Mingle With Her Grandchildren
Freely: Studies have shown that mother-in-
laws actually see your own kids as 100% theirs!
If she wants to pamper them to high heavens
and take them out and have them to herself all
day long at the beach, just let them go. You will
even have the whole house to yourself and your
husband! And what can be better than that?
11. Keep your house tidy: Even if your mother-
in-law is a complete slob when it comes to her
own housekeeping, she’ll never forgive you if
your house is anything less than tidy. Hopefully,
she won’t be the type to run a white-gloved
finger along your table to look for dust…. but
when you know she’s coming, make sure your
house is neat and clean, no matter how much
you hate housekeeping.
12. Pray pray and pray: At the end of the day,
after you have tried your very best to avoid
conflict to your in-laws and things seem to get
worse and not get better, the most important
thing is to commit it all to God. Only God can
touch people’s hearts and change them for the
better.
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